UK Landlord Forum / Life

LAND LORD : HELLO MR X CAN I HAVE YOUR £120 HOUSING BENEFIT PLEASE?

TENANT: NO!

LAND LORD OH! WHY NOT

TENANT I'VE SPENT IT ALL ON FOOD AT LIDL!  (MY WEED BILL)

LANDLORD INCREDULOUSLY: WHAT? ALL OF IT

TENANT (SMIRKING) YES!

LANDLORD: LONG LIST OF EXPLETIVES THAT MOST OF YOU CAN IMAGINE AND HAVE USED.

TENANT: THERES NO NEED FOR THAT!!! ITS OK FOR YOU GOING HOME EVERY NIGHT FOR YOUR GREAT BIG MEAL.

LANDLORD: f***ING WHAT

TENANT : ARE YOU GOING TO HIT ME?

LANDLORD : IS THIS YOUR F****ING BIKE?

TENANT : YES

LANDLORD :OK I'LL HAVE THAT THEN AND SELL IT.

TENANT: HOW WILL I GO AND PICK UP MY WEED AND GO TO LIDL AND SPEND MY HB NOW? (WITH TEARS IN HIS EYES)

LANDLORD: (STEAM NOW EMANATING FROM BOTH EARS). THROWS BIKE AT TENANT FOLLOWED BY MORE EXPLETIVES. SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOW YOU HAVNT PAID ANY RENT?

TENANT: I'LL HAVE TO LEAVE

LANDLORD (NOW SMIRKING TO HIMSELF) F***ING WHEN?

TENANT TOMORROW I SUPPOSE

LANDLORD TO HIMSELF :F***ING YEAHHH!!!!

NEXT MORNING TENANT GONE HA HA

BEAR IN MIND THE PREVIOUS WEEK THIS TENANT HAD BEEN SO BORED SITTING IN HIS ROOM SMOKING WEED HE HAD RUNG THE COUNCIL TO REPORT VARIOUS PROBLEMS IN THE HOUSE INCLUDING A HOLE IN HIS DOOR. I SUBSEQUENTLY POINTED OUT THAT THIS WAS HIS F***ING KEYHOLE.